Wednesday, March 23, 2005
5:00 PM
|

The sun just slipped its note below my door
And I can't hide beneath my sheets
I've read the words before so now I know
time has come again for me

so many times i've wondered where i've gone
and how i found my way back in
i look around awhile for something lost
maybe i'll find it in the end

I'm off from the virtual world for a while.
Be back as soon as I get rid of all the Sentinals and Agent.

toodles~~

---

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
3:30 PM
|

Ouch!

I'm feeling dreamy as ever.This is bad I guess.I can't concentrate,I can decide on things and I can't even listen.
Must be because I watched way too much soapy love story.What can I say I am a sucker of love story.Hitting behind computers watching 8 cds per story was disastrous.
I cried over it then laughed and cried again.Takuya Kimura was way to sweet!!
I'll be headed back to KL in a few days.Days went by faster than I realized.I need to do some shopping and grooming.And one more thing..siapkan flower bouquet untuk hantaran mira.Belum tengok pon lagi mira.Sorryla I feel terrible already for turning down your request as bridemaid..Hana gantikan kan?I think is better pasal die terer sikit pasal bab solek-menyolek nie kan?Kang kalo nak touch up pengantin atas pelamin nanti takde la terkulat-kulat.

Dreamy....plz someone..drag me down from this cloud 9.

---

Monday, March 21, 2005
11:12 AM
|

Letting go.
How do you let someone go?
How do you understand that that's all right?
That everything changes.
How do you find the way for that to make you feel good about life
Instead of breaking your heart
The hardest thing that you'll ever learn is how to say goodbye.

I was never good at saying goodbye. I'm the worst kind of all. What worst is that instead so saying it I actually avoid myself from being in the situation. It was the HARDEST thing that I had tried to do and never succeed.
I am a duck in a pond. From the surface we can see that nothing happen but down there at the bottom my leg was paddling endlessly. I tried countless time to keep a straight face. I always thought that by doing so I'll suffer less pain of the separation. How wrong was I.I acted tough outside but my inside was never as solid as jelly.
Through out my life so far I've been through lots of goodbye. In primary school I have a very close friend who moving out of town. You know how I gave my goodbye? I was never a pat on the shoulder saying I'll miss you and promise to write letters every week but a silent treatment. I watched my friend from far as my friend met with teachers and other friends up until my friend walked pass the school gate. I just don't have the guts.
In secondary school, I did something similar. Keeping a straight face. There's one time on the last day of school when I start loading up all my stuff in to my father car. My friend car was park just beside my dad's very special friend of mine whom I don't have the heart to say goodbye to. We load each other stuff silently. Not a word came out of my mouth saying how sorry I am and how I'm going to miss everything and how I hope that we can keep in touch for as long as we can. For every moment I took to load up my stuff into the car I felt my body became colder and stiffer. Probably all the tears and sadness that I bottled up inside of me that I should let out make me like that. I just watched his car go with a hope in my heart that that's was not happening. I was wrong again. His car just vanished from my sight and never reappeared again. That was my worst goodbye.
In university the goodbye session were much better. I'm able to dig up some courage to live the moment. A few drops of tears did felt down but it was allright.I was not as bad as before because I still see some of them up until now.
The reason why I is such a hard thing for me to do because I was afraid. I was so afraid that by saying goodbye I might not be able to see them again. I was thinking on saving the 'goodbye' for later. I'll say it once and for all at the time where I am totally sure that that was it. But to tell you the truth there is now power in us to know or determine that that was it. Bottle up your feeling was not a good thing. For as long as you don't let it out it going to haunt you forever.
How to find the way for goodbye to make you feel good about life instead of breaking your heart...herm honestly. I don't know coz I'm still bad at saying goodby...

---

10:36 AM
|

Taking the road less travel..

...all life is about asking questions,not about knowing the answers.It is wanting to see what's over the next hill that keeps us all going.We have to keep asking questions.Wanting to understand even when we know we'll never find the answer.We have to keep asking that questions.....

Itulah rahmatnya bila duduk di rumah lama-lama sedikit.Ada masa-masa senggang untuk merenung kembali beberapa perkara.Rearrange my thought.Kalau di ikutkan inilah antara masa yang paling berkualiti di rumah yang saya ada.

Result was out!I'll be leaving this slow moving peaceful comfortable life sooner than I thought.

Aha!!finally hujan dah turun setelah dekat sebulan tak hujan.Soothing~~

---